Those of you who are kind will try to understand ,those of you who are are busy causing untold family damage and rifts will argue that you have the right to do what you like. Bro has not been very supportive of me, so our relationship has suffered quite a bit. She wants to do this even before the estate is settled. Weakness is not an excuse and happiness is not always about ones self. Yes. It sounds like this woman has him as my uncle would phrase it whipped. What these lonely old men dont seem to realize is that there is more to the situation than just their wants and needs. Huge fake boobs, huge fake lips, and annorexic-like 95 pounds with these huge double ds that made her look like a porn star. It's normal, but it's unhealthy if you're sitting by yourself for hours, allowing yourself to draw deeper and deeper into that mindset. WebI (23F) & my husband (24M) lived with my mom (48F) during Covid. Does she have good credit, or credit in general? I am sure you are even doubting your parents relationship. Knowing that this person would throw you to the wolves if it would please her makes it hard to have a cheery disposition. This has just happened to me I am bereft. He was doing well and had been out of the hospital for a week when my mom found in the morning that he had passed in his sleep. He talked about how she was the kind of person that back in the day he would normally rip her clothes off. You are responsible to your family: you, spouse and child. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (2011) After his father dies in the September 11th attacks, a 9-year-old boy discovers his fathers key. Who smiles in a DUI mugshot? My dad does not listen to my feelings and simply does not seem to care. See a pattern, most of the blogs are about dads who took up women for happiness or coping. Who are all about my age. I will need to go in July to help my sisters clear out my moms thingsIm expected to do this. Then my dad is dad died, after someone dies. All should be over by thenleave him alone or he will get sickKIDS! Three months after my mothers passing, it really starts to hit me. WHEN my father died just over three years ago both my mother and I went through a rough time, as we missed him badly. I feel like I am alone in this, and it is very hard for me to be a grown up about it. Its safe to say she wouldnt spit on someone if they were on fire! And, of course, get her involved with her community and classes for seniors. Never give up! Well, that is not exactly true. With us not around all the time, I'm worried that she just won't be eating. . The new year came by and I finally excepted that my parents were going there own direction. Im just trying to have a good relationship. Im trying not to blow up over this but her actions have made me so angry and my father knows that. He was the best father and husband I could ask for. Then he gave me the rest and I locked them in a safe so he could not get to them. When my mother died my sister moved in to her house and is living there and wants to buy the rest of the siblings their share of the house. When I moved out for college, my parents relationship began to change. Thank all of you for your stories, but heres mine I never in my life expected my father to choose a stranger over his own daughter because I wont have anything to do with her. And its obviously not uncommon, especially for an older widow, to remarry quickly. Fast-forward a bit, and I am now 20 years old. We told my dad and his fiance how happy we were for them, and we were. They found out she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer and that she was near the end. My mom is hard to care for. You and your dad need to talk ask him to tell you how he is feeling too since he lost your mom. Our loved ones leave us and we are broken and have to pick up the pieces and figure out how to have family dinners with that empty place at the table. Also, that's an insane amount to pay for a phone bill. 2. We took care of our spouses at home, tube feeding, hospice, hospital visits, radiation therapy and chemotherapies. It hit the mark with me. I am trying to be open minded and accepting if this new lady, but at the same time I feel like my hearts being ripped out when I see him treat her the way he did my Mom. I cant understand why there is so much resistance and push-back from the AC when the WBF really just wants to move forward in his life to find happiness with a companion. Well soon to find out a few months after i found out there secretly dating. He is with the woman constantly. And not ever having one now he wants one. What are our responsibilities towards the funeral? What do you do when the new girlfriend, is very pushy? That night was his last, as they all shut down, one by one. I let him know that I was worried, and sad that we really never had done this. Ten weeks after my mothers death this woman began coming to stay in the house.I cannot describe the awfulness of that time. I have no desire to be alone and lonely in my older years and neither does he. Today is a gift of God. Many thanks. My mom passed away at age 53 from colon cancer. Because she is human. I guess I just have a hard time understanding him. This is 100% her problem to solve. I was still uncomfortable, but slightly more accepting of the situation because (1) a little more time had passed since my mothers death, (2) the new girlfriend was actually my fathers age, and (3) at one point my father had said: Dont worry, she doesnt have any kids!. .and he fell right back into this terrible situation. Dad was a wonderful caregiver. My father died on Thanksgiving night of a heart attack. I cant have him without his girlfriend, but it hurts to be around her. Im 14 and my mom passed away this year from breast cancer, and it was really hard on me because i was so close to my mom, not very close to my dad or brother. My father fawned over her and treated her like a goddess. It was both a good thing for separation from the all-consuming disease and bad, because I selfishly didnt have to share the burden my Dad did. Ive tried reminding him that while our mom was still alive, it was normal and non-threatening for us each to have our separate relationships with our mom and with our dad, and then the combined relationship with all. She would have loved the attention he is giving to his girlfriend. To make it worse my Dad moved 7 hours from all of us kids and we havent heard from him very often. We believe he was seeing her before she died, during her long illness. It is important, however, to keep in mind that you are the child. She went on vacation with her friends this past week (it was a pre-planned vacation and she didn't want to go, but we convinced her it would be a good idea for her to go). I read your post and I feel your pain. I wasnt actively looking for anyone but the opportunity presented itself thru my church. Now married with 2 daughters of my own the pain was relived when I saw as an adult how terrible it would have been for my girls to have suffered as I did.I cannot comprehend how they could be so insensitive to his daughters sufferings and especially me as a 13 year old living at home. When my father finally broke up with this woman, we begun to work on talking again slowly.He then began dating another woman, who I am not completely comfortable with but have learned after experiencing the loss of my spouse in 2008, that what my father said about loving my mother no matter what and that even though he choose to date again he would love my mother no matter what and would do anything to be with her again. I took an overdose. When my own father passed away in July 2018, after a seven year battle with multiple myeloma, a cancer of plasma cells, it shifted my notion of grief. Even if you are the nicest person ever it will be really difficult. This way if anything happened I would be able to be there. He shows repeatedly that she is the only thing he cares about. See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! I can love my life I had and respect that I need companionship and passion in my new life. I kept in constant communication with him after leaving. I felt such resentment towards my father-in-law because I had tried to accept openly welcome Irene as a part of our new family picture to preserve the family and to have this kind of thing done so childishly behind my husbands back was just too much for us. Now, try the right place. Its almost like hes loving that he gets a new woman. And they honestly dont have to answer to anyone but the man upstairs. for that reason , though I did not like the concept I was prepared to accept my dad having a new partner -shitty timing aside. Decide if you to cry on two years. I still live at home (student loans, yay! Now I have discovered that while my mother was dying, this other woman was pursuing my father. Here's what I learned through the pain, and what I hope to share with others. Then I found out that meant his girlfriend took over his bills and other household tasks as well. My mom, like many of your moms, passed away from cancer (colon), in 2006. I have heard all of these things through my boyfriends daughters to him about our relationship and their feelings. As far as Im concerned unless you are going through it you wouldnt understand. over grown bushes, stuff left out every where, the house has an HOA and he is on the board and house looks like crap. Now I struggle with young boys who miss their mother, but desperately crave a mothers embrace. Dealing with the same situation , except I have known this lady for many many years, and did not now like her do to some things she did to me, and that she is sneaky, manipulative, and nasty. When a spouse leave this earth what is the widow or widower is suppose to do with the remaining of their life. I feel she is trying to push a wedge between my father and his family. If you care at all recognise that for the family it will be like losing two parents. Just forced her into all are lives. All caregiving stories matter. They can not commit 100% to you. After a year my sister got a call begging her to pick him up immediately as basically she was kicking him out. I know inevitably there will be further learnings, low points, and realizations. Accused me of back chatting & havent bern financially & emotionally supporting, wrote on his status that His a greatest Dad. I mean really? Hell take a day off from her here and there because of our special request. The driver of the RV we took was a friend of my wifes and best friends with my wifes oldest sister. Everything went fine and there really wasnt much that stood out about her and part of me was happy that he found someone to spend time with. there is nothing you can say, but a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen will always help. Required fields are marked *. We talk, but are not close. I never heard my Dad talk about my mother that way not the nasty remarks but simply talk about her beauty. Have you read the posts? One thing is for sure, just as our parents could never select our friends or mates in life we neither can select theirs. My dad died 18 months ago and Mum has just joined a dating agency. This because after a meal of her mother 32; just wants to honor of a half. Does she pay rent? He wants you to see what happiness this woman has brought him and he feels if you witness this, you will share in his happiness. Not giving him a chance. There is nothing as strong and pure as a mothers love for her children so take that thought and live the kind of life in your moms name that would reflect that truth. We had a good relationship with each other. I have given up. Now going shopping together, shes visiting alot, furniture shopping, he wants to buy her a necklace and tell her not to tell the other sister where it came from. I think that the parent should be concerned with how their children (even if theyre adults) feel about them dating again. Which Im so mad at him for.he wont even let me have things that were my mothers, meanwhile bringing someone into the house she lived in to walk upon my moms things. Are you my twin? I didnt feel resentment anymore, and it helped that the lady hes seeing is a lovely classy lady who I am quite fond of, and this doesnt feel like an intrusion into my family, the way it used to. I knew why he was going, but he was not being honest about it. When she gets upset, she doesn't eat, and really the only reason she cooked was for my dad and us. 3) dad has a girlfriend. Mom put to death at her own request after murdering her 5 kids This story has been shared 97,343 times. Which my mom and her friend did say he was not there trying to replace my dad. I dont think his girlfriend should be living there after dating 3 months and then remove my mothers things so she feels more comfortable there. The day she got rushed to the hospital was the first time I had ever seen my dad cry. My parents were married for 45 years and my mom died of colon cancer. I am a 41 yr old widower, father of three kids, daughter 8 and twin 6 yr. old boys, who lost his wife of 11 years, the last five she was sick and dying of colon cancer. My brother has never been good at expressing his emotions, so it was especially heartbreaking to hear him express to me and my sisters that he felt abandoned. Thank you for sharing your story. For. When my dad passed away he made it clear he wanted my aunt (who had been his caregiver) to have his house. We had no problems with this arrangement He makes me smile again! My mom left me stocks when she passed, just a couple hours after she passed, my dad is down my throat for those stocks. What do I do? Unfortunately my dad (47M) died in result of the pandemic in the end of 2020. Meanwhile she is living in my mother's house to the objection of the rest of her siblings and is not paying any rent. . I miss my dad-and mom-so much. It is time for you accept that the lifestyle dad provided for you is gone. It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good woman. It happened to soon.. we basically lost our dad (to his live in girlfriend) just months after losing our mom. Love does not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. Dont be so hard on yourself! I found her to be disrespectful & a very good liar. Which he did, but he seemed very needy and insecure. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. One room for 3 people, one of which being a baby is just not enough. Does he not realize how incredibly hurtful this is to me? I received a text from my brother which stated that my dad had a heart attack and I needed to get to the hospital right away. And you did say this: Also, it's hard for me to really be 100% supportive for her when I am going through tons of grief as well. That this woman was cleaning personal stuff of my moms in her house made me so angry. Im done this is just too heart breaking for me and our family. Kobe bryant's death of death of her palliative care nurse for a whiskey-drinking. He just told me that he wants me to call her or come by to wish her a Happy Mothers day, he says she wants to be a mother to me. I think he can now begin to start processing his grief over my moms death (we have just now passed the three month mark since her funeral.) All of your comments here are like echoes of my own situation. Now my sisters wedding is around the corner. I guess since I was close to my mother, I just dont understand Ellens relationship with her sons. I will have probably reacted the same way that you had when you found out that your father or mother could find someone else attractive; I was surprised myself when I felt attracted to someone else a year and half after my husband passed away. We have three children. Scott suggested giving your stepson concrete check-ins about his move-out status, and boundaries for the time being as you continue to cohabitate. Just four months ago I watched as my 28 year old sister cried because my Dad wanted to spend time with his girlfriend instead of her. Issues like this will continue to arise, for example, when we begin having our own children, and we will continue to grow farther apart. I lost my wife Jan 12, 2012, June 9 is her birthday, I have 4 daughters, one the oldest accused me of wanting to throw her mother into the Forrest, which is the farthest from my mind, my wife (ashes)is here with me, I am having a terrible time dealing with these issues of my daughter not talking to me but being disturbed about throwing, I am no where near even thinking of a companion, Im still grieving and attending grieving classes at hospital where she died. Can you find a friend who will just listen and not judge? I think being told to be friends with the girlfriend is uncalled for. He waschillingat hers today so couldnt even call in to see his grandaughter to congratulate her on exam results,says hel call her tomorrow. Worse still, he is in ICU with a poor prognosis and I am expected to defer to her. She is an adult. . I have accepted the situation( he lives at her home since about 3 months after they started dating)and his condo is for sale now), I feel like my papa is such a difficult and selfish person who doesnt consider the feelings of his children. Honestly, Id rather stick a fork in my eye than talk to her. I dont want my dad to be alone, but what bothers me the most is the affection they show for each other. I still have to remind myself that feeling guilty is not productive. I felt at one point I could not cope. She is very social and loved the friendships she made there and the daily opportunity to connect with others and the group activities offered. I will continue to search for answers and hope that I find a way to help my family heal from this tragedy. Everyone deals with death differently; my family is a prime example. Mum died at 56 and would be 90 if she had lived.I have lived with this situation for so many years. Its not like I want to be angry or that I want my dad to spend the rest of his life in mourning. We are not open about things at all, but a feeling is not always easy to hide. Not only that, he was telling me all the details? Im a good mother a little over protective but i mean well and they know it and love me regardless. His wife's. The woman I married and loved did not even resemble the women who died after nearly five years of illness. I sometimes try to step back and look at both sides. I also go everynight after work and cook dinner. She has always identified as the caregiver and may never be ready to give up that role. We practice fire drills, so that in the event of an emergency, these things arent new to us. By Thanksgiving time he was insisting that we invite the friend to the family dinner as well or he would not attend. Thats why i was so surprised and relieved to find people to talk to that can actually relate. I believe that women look to the male figures in their lives as being strong and courageous. Thanks to whoever can help or give some insight. I wasnt thrilled but she came and we had fun. However, he has been pretending for the past few months that this older lady (probably about 10 years older than him) has just been buying gifts for my niece and making him food all the time because she feels sorry for our family. However, and hobbies that morning. The complete opposite. 1. I was not happy, them my Husband and I were going to dinner for out anniversary and brought her. I am 56 and still feel the same way. She is my age and we both really enjoyed talking and spending time together that week. She was not ill. My father was already searching for a new companion at the wake and as soon as the funeral was over was on the prowl. She also lost her husband same year as my mom. But, as he said, he had to get on with his life and he didnt want to be alone. Do we accept presents from them for the girls and allow them to speak with them on birthdays and Christmas? August 31, 2013 at 11:59 pm. I'm an American with T-Mobile. I know that my Dad has left the land surrounding his house to me and my brother. I wanted to scream, youre only able to say that since my MOM is dead.. Needless to say I didnt sleep all night and sent my father a heartfelt email telling him how I felt about the situation. My father was really respectful. In my own case it was what eventually powered me through some difficulties. We maintain the house, pay all the bills and its our home. Although he is ready.. we are just not. He really only cares about himself. While I share certain similarities with the other posters here, Im also aware of some differences. I understand that everyone needs someone, But i dont think it should be forced on the surviving kids/ relatives, at least not till their ready. We may earn commission from the links on this page. I just hope that you could open your mind to someone new in your life that it is not trying to replace your mother or father. WebWatching a parent move on with someone else after the death of your other parents is going to be hard NO MATTER your age and no matter how long after their death, Everyone has to understand that I mean no harm and I resent everyone looking down on the GIRLFRIEND its become a dirty word to meI have not done any thing wrong. I was not comfortable with the relationship however as suggested I tried to form a friendship. And mind you im her only niece from my mom.She had a spots car she lost. The next morning i was woken up with her SCREAMING that she has NO privacy in this house. But turns out that my father wasnt receiving any of my text messages. Then on top of it he went behind my back about this involvement with this woman. Cut the toxic people out of your life early because they will only bring you down. I would appreciate some validation from him he wants to know what I am feeling, but isnt necessarily up for doing anything that would change a decision he has already made. I wondered how he would ever be able to cope without my mom. Im not sure what to say to him or how to react to all of this. It is important to not let these times destroy you or define you, but rather, to help you to grow. You moved out and made your own friends/relationships, and eventually you will probably find one person to be with for a while. We dont have to be happy about this situation, and I dont have to have them over for dinner every week, but my Father-in-law can still be in our lives and I can be civil to this woman. done. Within 3 days of her passing, my dad asked me if I wanted to meet this lady friend of his. I lost my mother in July 2008 after a very long illness. My mom gave her kids somethings because she wanted to help her kids and grand kids. We all are just about as happy as we make our mind up to be. (I'm 23, if that counts for anything.) I lost my mother to cancer in November, my father enrolled in one of thoes dating web sites in December. And I will make sure that we maintain a relationship with my Father-in-law. Shes a nice person, but takes everything personally. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. They do not ask themselves Am I willing to sacrifice the love and trust of my family (by refusing to wait and consider their feelings) for the buzz I am getting from this stranger I barely know and may not end up with? Well, Im just a terrible person. she said (playing the victim to my dad). According to him, he had already grieved over her and had moved on. Support is what you and your family needs. I think he got mad at me for not jumping at the chance to meet her. If your father wants to be in your life, the answer to all your questions is yes. This wasnt his fault he found himself in this situation just as we all have. This kills me. Many of you are older than I am, live apart from your surviving parents, and still struggle with these feelings of betrayal, loss, and hurt. True you may carry on regardless of their pain and there is no law which says you cannot but for this failure in good judgement there will be a penalty in the shock and lack of trust that will ensue. These adult kids need to mind their own businessget a life, get a job>support their self. Sorry for all the misspellings above. Is this normal for your country? Any suggestions? I have cooked many meals for families grieving, and you would be surprised what good catharsis can come of it. it is very hard. Anyway my dad has been staying over at her house for probably over a year now. You do not exist to subsidize your mother's life. It seems strained to me. My daughter said to me yesterday when I was offering to explain something about my father Id rather not know because the situation either makes you angry or sad. Two days later she arrived with baked goods for my dad. Firstly, I speak as an Englishwoman married to an American who has only recently after almost 25 years of marriage taken joint citizenship! WebMy father is dating after my mother died - Find single woman in the US with mutual relations. I need some advice. Otherwise, my father spent the entire weekend with them, and my brother and I were stranded at home all alone. He so does not need this drama, but I dont know what to do at this point. My mom died of cancer April 2013 and then this month, July 2014, my dad got a lady friend. I feel I did everything I could to salvage our relationship but he did not care and was not interested in having me or my family, his granddaughters in his life anymore. They talk on the phone often and I believe he gave her a really nice Christmas gift! I would go during the day and he would come around 4 to relieve me. My dad at times had his head down as if he were ashamed or saddened to hear my pained feelings. The AC has only one mother, so there could never be a threat. If he is not in a healthy relationship with you, how can he be in a healthy relationship with the girls? The first. My phone bill alone is 129. I also sent her thinking of you cards in the mail, knowing how she loves to send them to others herself. I flat out told him Im not comfortable with that, and I dont know if Ill ever be. Sad that it came to an end, but we will go on living and hope that he is happy from afar. You say you cannot know how you will feel in the future and so you cannot predict how you will feel so when people say things like I will never accept it they should not forecast their future emotions. If I was there I would give you a hug.Listening as you work things out is the best thing a friend could do. And the whole time he was here, he was watching the clock and couldnt wait to leave to get back to her. However, and this is the crux of the matter- it is my father from whom I am owed a duty of care and not from her. How to get a good woman. Perhaps just go out with death and this will never an unhappy outcome. He just doesnt get it.. has taken our frustration to a new level. My future step daughters(in their late 20s) do not accept that my fianc have a person in his life. Always remember, what you give out is what you get back! 3 Months later shes already sleeping over and redecorating. You could encourage it, but dont force it, it will only make your kid resent you. She and my dad had been married 54 years, both were/are 78 then. Also make sure she has some time alone, when she needs it. And the awkwardness of discussing my mom in front of her is almost unbearable but it is inevitable that my mom is going to come up because my daughter WILL know who her grandmother was. My mom is having a really hard time. My mom will not let us help her with anything, but rather wants to call all the (male) friends my dad had to help her. I dont think I will ever understand any man. My first thought was WTF but once a selfish person always a selfish person. She has never reached out to me or tried to get to know medad justs sayd she is different and not used to a close nit family. From her arrival on the scene we were told like you were, that no issues we had counted at all and it was non-negotiable. I want a relationship with my father and his wife, but unless we agree to put the past behind us, I dont think it can happen. I accepted that caring for her was as simple as asking her every day how she was doing on her own, listening to her share about the manipulations of her favourite soap opera characters, pick up meatballs to enjoy when she had made extra, and let her know about my day and my kids day so that we maintained a vital connection and strong bond during an extremely challenging and unique global experience. We havent had time to really adjust to Mom being gone and this only adds to the already devastating heartache. What makes it even harder is that dad also has terminal cancer, and we dont know how long he has left to live. So now its November.. my dads house is in the process of being fully remodeled. and died that following Monday (we let her go there was a machine breathing for her. They dont live together yet. Definitely this. My point is that these experiences kept me going, and the memories you create will remain in your heart forever. We're looking forward to. I was so stunned, I didnt say much, just sat there and cried and told him I thought it was too soon. I cant tell my dad how I feel as I dont want to upset him.